What does good communication in marriage mean? Is it simply talking, exchanging, expressing yourself? Is it necessary to learn about the other person in order to communicate well with them? Is listening to what others say as important as accepting and understanding them? Are there any “communication skills” for better communication? Four main principles in communication are given by the famous French psychologist Yvon Dallaire.

Good communication is not just a matter of the speaker, the listener, the topic, the content or the communication feedback. In other words, the person with the need to share not only wants to be heard but also wants to be sympathetic and positive.

In order for communication to be truly effective and positive, it must be informative and meaningful. That is the basis for what Yvon Dallaire (psychologist and sexologist) calls “emotional intelligence”. This intelligence allows us not to let ourselves be overwhelmed and overwhelmed by our negative emotions. Having a happy married life requires skills. You must learn to develop useful “communication skills” in order to create a good relationship.

Four communication skills for good communication

 First Communication skill: empathy

Good communication means accepting the other person with an objective and open attitude.

Carl Rogers, an American psychologist, introduced the concept of empathy. Empathy is the ability to listen, receive, and accept what others say to us without judging or showing any reactive attitude. Yvon Dallaire explains that “Empathy is not just about understanding or sympathy, it’s about accepting the other person.”

Putting yourself in the shoes of others, to feel their emotions, their worries, their fears, understand them and accept them with an objective attitude without making themselves feel feeling affected or anxious is not the easiest thing in a relationship. Accepting complaints and criticisms from your partner, listening to them without getting angry or stopping listening, stopping a conversation requires a maturity in emotional control.

We need to listen kindly and objectively to our partner in order to see how different and special he is. This helps to form positive attitudes toward each other.

Therefore, knowing the other person and truly accepting them will help us avoid the lengthy and boring conversations each of them has to try to justify.

 Second communication skill: openness

Good communication is telling the truth through self-expression.

A sincere, authentic, trustworthy relationship cannot be built on falsehood, appearance, and beauty. Good communication involves opening up yourself to others. Dare to talk about ourselves and what we really feel. Dare to talk about your own aspirations, your desires as well as your fears or doubts. Daring to show your flaws and mistakes, not trying to show a perfect image or hiding yourself is the foundation of a real relationship. Yvon Dallaire has said that being open to others does not mean being completely transparent to them.

“Everyone has the right to a private life, secret thoughts, unresolved wishes, as long as this life, these thoughts and these desires do not affect the foundation of love life, still respect the tacit agreements between the two sides and the other party also understands this. ”

Being open to others will help us avoid misunderstandings that are harmful to a relationship.

 Third communication skill: assertive

Good communication is about asserting and taking responsibility for what you think.

Assertiveness is also called “dare to assert” by psychologists. It is a necessary attitude to communicate well. It involves expressing your opinion clearly, not being shy, and not afraid of hurting the other person. We take responsibility for asserting and acknowledging what we think and asking the other person to also be held accountable for their own reactions. Yvon Dallaire explained that “An assertive person is proactive, able to cope when a situation arises, they have the right to freely express themselves, even knowing that the other person will not approve”.

Asserting a personal opinion is the opposite of complacency and submission to others. The more the other person submits and refrains from saying his or her thoughts, the more they will become more and more confined to those negative thoughts. They will form what psychologists call passive-positive attitudes. This attitude is often seen through retaliation, a decrease in sexual interest or words that hurt others.

Assertiveness helps create a real and balanced relationship, helping us to avoid confusion, stress and negative reactions between husband and wife.

 Fourth communication skill: living the activism

Good communication is to see and present things in a positive way.

“Being able to see a half-full cup rather than a half-missing cup” is a fundamental attitude toward being happy. That helps us to see clearly that real life is not perfect and we should think of the best to encourage ourselves to move forward. We do not hesitate to talk and confess to each other. Every day, we say words of love to each other, words of gratitude to honor and cherish our partner. “Happy couples often treat their spouse as a special guest in life and treat each other the same way they treat those they love most, i.e. with respect and respect. together.”

An active lifestyle is the foundation for potential and rewarding conversations.

Each person’s words are not interpreted negatively as they are for unhappy couples.

 Summary

Good marriage communication is not a miracle or a supernatural ability. Just like when we learn to read and write, we also learn how to have a good relationship with each other. Empathy, openness, assertiveness, and activism are some of the ways to get there. Both husband and wife have to improve together.

Wish those who love each other can communicate well with each other!