Gaslighting in Love, A True Client Story & Lessons Learned
When Mai sat down in the therapy room, the first sentence she said was something I’ve heard from many clients who lived through gaslighting: “I think something is wrong with me” And that is exactly the cruelty of gaslighting in relationships: when you begin to doubt your own emotions, memories, and worth.
This article shares Mai’s real experience, woven with psychological insights to help you understand what gaslighting truly is and how to walk away from it safely and gently.
What Is Gaslighting in a Relationship?
Before diving into the story, let’s clarify the concept.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation that makes you question your perception and reality.
People who experience gaslighting often:
believe they’re “too sensitive”
doubt their own memory
constantly blame themselves
become emotionally dependent on their partner
This is not just conflict. This is erosion of your inner clarity and self-trust.
How Gaslighting Started With Small Things
“I was just joking. You’re overreacting.”
Mai met D. through work. In the beginning, he was attentive and kind. But gradually, his sarcastic comments began hurting her. When she expressed how she felt, he brushed it off: “You’re taking things too seriously. I’m only joking.”
That was the first time Mai doubted her feelings. She thought: “Maybe I really am too sensitive.”
Denial Became His Default Reaction
One day, Mai found suspicious messages on D.’s phone. She calmly asked him about it. He laughed: “You’re imagining things. I didn’t send that.” Mai froze. For a moment, she wondered: “Did I see it wrong?”
Doubting Herself Became a Habit
Over time, things worsened:
she apologized even when she didn’t understand what she did wrong
she thought she was losing her memory
she felt constantly “not enough”
she feared upsetting him
Gaslighting had seeped into her self-image, quietly but powerfully.
Signs of Gaslighting in Love That You Should Not Ignore
Based on Mai’s case and many therapy clients, here are the most common signs of gaslighting:
1. They deny facts even when they’re obvious
“You’re remembering it wrong.”
“I never said that.”
“You’re making things up.”
2. They invalidate your emotions
“You’re too emotional.”
“You always exaggerate.”
3. You start doubting your own reality
You no longer trust your feelings or your memory.
4. You constantly apologize
Even when you didn’t do anything wrong.
5. You feel small, anxious, and dependent
These are not normal relationship conflicts.
They are emotional manipulation tactics that damage your sense of self.
The Turning Point, When You Realize You’re No Longer Yourself
Mai’s wake-up moment didn’t come from a big fight. It came from a simple comment by her friend: “Mai, you don’t look like yourself anymore. It’s like you’re living as someone else’s shadow.”
She didn’t defend D. She didn’t make excuses. She went quiet, deeply quiet and asked herself: “When did I stop being me?”
Healing After Gaslighting, You Don’t Need to Be Strong, Just Honest
Mai didn’t leave immediately. People rarely do, not when manipulation has been happening for a long time. But she started taking small, quiet steps toward herself:
1. Writing down events as they truly happened
To separate his words from actual reality.
2. Talking to someone she trusted
To regain a sense of clarity and emotional support.
3. Listening to her emotions without judgment
Feelings are signals, not flaws.
4. Practicing “no” and stopping unnecessary apologies
Her voice trembled at first. But that’s how empowerment begins.
5. Prioritizing her safety and peace
Love is not meant to cost your identity. One day, Mai walked into therapy and said: “I think I finally have the courage to choose myself.”
Lessons Learned From Gaslighting in Relationships
Here are the truths gaslighting survivors must remember:
You are not crazy.
Your feelings are real.
You deserve to be heard.
Love should not require losing yourself.
Healing is not about being strong, it’s about coming home to yourself.
You Deserve Light, Not a Shadow
Gaslighting is subtle but deeply damaging. It steals clarity, confidence, and connection with your true self. But when you step out of it, you realize:
you are brighter
you are wiser
you are stronger
you are free
If you are still in the dark right now, please know: You can walk out, slowly softly and you don’t have to walk alone.
